Well here I am losing my blog virginity, I’ve always loved to write, my grammar is by far not the best but hopefully you’ll understand me, well done if you do cos I don’t often understand myself ha, Anyway I’m Lainie by the way, nice too meet you, I’m hoping to write about my journey ha I can’t put that it’s too new age or whatever hmmmm lets think, what about “this is my story” or “it’s my life” oh god I think it’s just getting worse as I now have Dr Alban singing in my head, if you’re below a certain age then Google it, it’s a great tune. Anyway I’ll start by telling you about today and we can go from there, I intend to be very honest in this otherwise what is the point also I can be very crude/graffic but only in jest and nothing more but I will pre warn on those occasions incase you want to skip a bit. Here goes…..
Well today I woke at 8.30am to the words “Lainie do you want any breakfast?” and I’m thinking do fat girls like cake? Yes we bloody do… by the way I answer my own self in fact I often do as I tend to agree with myself a lot which is a good thing, anyway after breakfast I get washed and changed and then do physio and before you know it it’s dinner time or lunch time to those posher than me. In case you’re wondering I’m not in a hotel or anything I’m in hospital and I have been for 5 months but I’ll explain that later, right back to today oh I have a habit of waffling but I guess you know that now ha, anyway after dinner was visiting which is lovely as it breaks up the day, my daughter came too see me and she brought my post, in among my post I’d got a letter to have a cervical smear done and as I had not been able to have one for quite a few years I asked the nurse if it was possible too get it done here, she made a phone call and 20 minutes later they were here, Quick service or what!!
**Crude Alert** I promised I would warn you, so if you never had one you basically pull your knees up and put your heels together like Dorothy, you then turn your feet out and relax your knees, yeah RELAX I did use that word, however for me it was more of a case of open your legs as wide as you can and have two nurses bend them up and push them up for you, oh just in case you didn’t know you need to remove your knickers beforehand though I don’t as I go commando not by choice but because knickers get stuck in my lymphdema creases and I end up pissing myself and them so commando it is, for now.
Right back to the smear it’s strange that they call it a smear because it’s more of a scrape really, so with my legs akimbo they bring out a light pink speculum which in the brief seconds I saw it I could of swore it was sparkly, which of course is just what every vagina needs ha, in case if your wondering what a speculum is, its the instrument they insert into the vagina to open it up so they can see the cervix and then remove cells using a small brush type thing about the size of an eyebrow brush, it only takes 30 seconds it’s not painful just a little uncomfortable, but well worth getting it done if I can get it anyone can so if your reading this and are due one then make sure you book an appointment, anyway it was all over quickly and due too my size they tried there best and hopefully it worked I will let you know how it goes….but as I said before if your over 25 and haven’t had one or are due one get it sorted you don’t even have too go to your gp you can go too a family planning clinic or similar place.